When we fall off our bike, we need to get right back on!

As many of you know, I have jumped into my midlife (aka my next 50 years) with both feet.  I am working to build a joyful life that is sustainable such that it will allow for income as I age (I love my work), good health mixed with lots of play with my husband, family and friends!  

Taking control of your own life, and living a meaningful one is something that requires hard work and focus.  No different then working with my franchise clients. When I take my own life as seriously as I do those of my clients then this is when the balance is achieved.  I learned a long time ago that you could only be at your best when you are being true to yourself, meeting your own wants and needs first. Strength comes when there is balance both physically and mentally. 

I was off kilter these last few weeks. My friend helped me identify the problem that I think was weighing me down.....  "Self-doubt is shit. Chews up our precious energy and blocks our progress. Don’t let it own you".

I've been training for the Ride to Conquer Cancer in August, which is a 200k ride from Vancouver to Hope over two days.  We are raising funds for cancer and this year I am riding for two of my pals who are deep in the throws of this awful disease.  While it is presented as a social experience (I am on the largest team called the Brainiacs), it is no doubt a gruelling hard cycle over mixed elevation with cyclists of all ages, stages and health levels.  

This week for some reason, I thought I couldn't do it.  Despite having donations and notes of support from amazing people who see that I am pushing myself for the benefit of others and observing me training physically, I still felt off.  Self-doubt began to pop up for me and I went off my regular training schedule and my positive mantra shifted. 

I kept these thoughts inside until I did the right thing and shared them openly with my loved ones. People who I can trust and are there for me.  Of course, they opened their hearts and took time to listen, offered support and have since helped steer me back on track. I realized that my mental strength needed as much love as the physical strength.  

It is times like these that we need to really look inside and determine what is holding us back.  The self-doubt will ripple into your work, your family and for me, my energy level and playful karma is affected.  I am now in the process to explore the mental side to see what shifted and why the self doubts about the ride?  

I am surrounding myself with people, experiences and things that I love.  I am giving myself downtime and permission to do things that feed my soul this week.  I've done a deep dive (like I would with a client) into my health (added some fish oil and some vitamins) despite my good eating habits and by sharing it with others, have opened up deep conversations that matter.  

I wanted to share that we are not alone.  In a time when mental health has become top of mind, we all need to know that we have people that care. I know that I try to show up for my family in this way and we have very open conversations that help each of us move though challenges and times of insecurity.  While I often show up as a confident, outgoing and joyful soul, I still have the same insecurities and self doubt as others.  

When we fall off our bike, we need to get right back on!  You will find me there this week as I continue my training both mentally and physically for this huge goal, which I am very proud to be part of.  

I will cross this finish line.  

The story of Mitzi and Chapter 12

This day is special for me.  Today is June 1, 2018 Intergenerational Day Canada.

This is a day which is officially a reminder, a yearly invitation for every person regardless of age, to take one small respectful step to bridge generations within their local community and ideally starting with family. It only takes a smile between generations to break through isolation and loneliness, the number one health concern for children/youth and older persons.

I am excited to tell you about how we try to do this with my extended family every day.

Our story goes like this.

My Mom Mitzi, lost her husband, my Dad in 2013 whom was her soul mate and understandably left her feeling isolated and alone in a world that at the time, felt empty and cold.   At 80 years old, my Mom had lived a full life together with her best friend so this loss created deep sadness, loneliness, and fear.  She wondered if her emptiness would dissipate and focused on just getting through each day.

I am 1/4 siblings and we don't all live in the same city.  We found that the worry and guilt of not being able to be there for Mom on a daily basis to support her weighted heavy.

The power of online social media became a solution.  It helped our family to stay connected to Mom.  It became a tool for my family, keeping us close. We created a private family Facebook group called Chapter 12  where my Mom became inspired to journal every night for the past 5 years!  No lie....honestly she posts every night as part of her nighttime routine!

Post #1 - the group was live!

As a close family we  wanted to be "together" during this difficult time.  It was also very important that Mom felt she could be vulnerable to share her inner most fears during this healing process.

Unfiltered messages were shared by all ages 

"Chapter 12 is the best thing that could have happened to me"

Here she found expression for her own voice, openly and authentically writing about her fears, joys, challenges and stories, all shared across the generations.  Her posts at the beginning were of sadness but over the years describe her healing and a testament to the stages she went through on her self discovery.   

"I am always floored how many read my posts"

 

The most recent posts have been more joyful and happy and she is posting pictures of her own new found playfulness with friends.   The posts continue to unite the family, including across the generations leaving a legacy to be shared.  

Stay tuned, this story is just beginning..... 

Just keep showing up.

Just keep showing up and I don't mean in your new shoes with your hair curled.

Showing up is hard sometimes.  We all show up to life, the party, to work and to others in so many creative ways.

I know, because right at this moment I pushed aside my fears and uncertainty to dig deep so I can share my thoughts and show up here at TheBoomerVine.  Knowing the value of being honest and being real was what gave me the courage to sit back down to write here.  

I want to show up for those that need me.  I feel compelled to share my thoughts and fears and uncertainty that I face everyday as I go about being a mother, a wife, an entrepreneur and financial contributor to the family, thinking that I am not alone as we age through this process.  It's been a long time since I sat to write here but there has been so much going on in my mind, my life, my work and in my family.  All the energy that I had was spent elsewhere, not writing here.  

I've missed it.  

The big question is "Who is it that we are showing up for anyway?"

Sometimes I can't show up here because I just don't have the energy.  As an entrepreneur I am often deep in thought or processing an opportunity that somehow appears before me.  Rarely is it such a big idea that it wants to pull all of my energy towards it but recently I let it.  Any energy that is left is then shared with what is right in front of me - my priorities.   

My priorities are for my self and my family.  My incredible family whom without their love and support, I wouldn't have the courage to continue on this journey of self-discovery during this shift in midlife. They encourage me to speak from the heart because they know it is raw, yet authentic and that the messages are to be shared with others on this same journey who are not as confident and also looking to live a meaningful life with more purpose.  It is no secret that some of those in society today are running on the hamster wheel filled with so much guilt they can't even articulate it. They have no time to stop and reflect but perhaps they know what the outcome would be if they did.  Not always pretty.  Maybe they are showing up for someone other than themselves.

I give credit to the ones who have the courage to step out of situations that hold them back (going against the scripts); be it a job, taking a break from university, or from a relationship that forces them to show up for someone other than themselves.  Years and years of this routine can be devastating to our health and others around us unless you have found that balance and living a life you helped design.

I was asked the other day "where do you lose your power" which digs right down to the core uncovering situations that hold you back from being the authentic you and perhaps living a more fulfilled life.  

This has nothing to do with feeling any regret for my past but this is all about showing up during the rest of my life with the openness and adaptability to accept opportunity and continue the design of a more purposeful, playful life. I am openly taking this journey because I strategically want my own children/family and others around me to gain new insight on what is really important.  It is my hope they too will be courageous enough and feel supported to design a life and make choices that reflect more about their happiness and not following the scripts that are placed on us.  

My message goes out to those who have identified the need to make a change (a tiny step or a gigantic jump) and are looking for a friend or a cheerleader. 

It's not about me. It's about you.

I'm often asked for my opinion.  I know it's because I am honest and sincere with my answers.  I show up differently.  I take risks.  I work hard to design my life and live the best I can. I care. 

I take time to review the situation by often throwing myself in to experience it so I can empathize with the buyer or individual at hand.  My thinking is unique and my view is out of the box.  I don't hold back and know honesty is integrity and integrity and courage help us grow.  

Relationships are the real currency in life.  I'm not perfect at them, but I think I get how people think. I am forward thinking, empathetic, and focus on helping make others feel valued.  I also like the word authentic.

It's not about me.  It's about you. 

Moving you or your business forward. 

That's all it is. 

Denise teaches entrepreneurs and companies how to authentically
and creatively CONNECT with their customer,
ACTIVATE the relationship and DELIVER results to drive
participation and REVENUE while increasing the customer experience. 

You can find her here www.DeniseAKelly.com

Hate to say it, but the title “Beer By The Pier” caught my attention!

Living in a community that I love, I often feel that I am selfishly isolated in my own little world.  I am raising a family, trying to be a good wife, supporting my aging Mom and taking care of myself as I move into my next 50.  Like many we are also trying to earn a living to support our lifestyle in a very challenging/expensive and quickly changing world.  We pick our friends who share similar values and in my house, we make time to laugh, keeping us connected and reducing the stress in our lives.   We donate to those who knock on our door and support various charities to fight cancer.

We hear local stories about those fighting with homelessness and suffering with mental illness and addiction and other real life changing problems.  It is splashed over social media and in our local community paper.  We see pictures of grand events such as black tie fundraising galas and other high ticket events,  where people have donated $1,000 + to attend.  It all leaves me feeling hollow and frustrated that I never could find a way to offer to help support those families in need in my own community.  I sometimes honestly felt that only the rich were making a difference in the lives of those suffering.

Then up popped an invitation to 1^st Annual Beer by the Pier event in September via email.  In support of Family Services of the North Shore, tickets were reasonable and the venue caught my eye!  Beer tasting-Adam Woodall Band-Smoke & Bones BBQ at a trendy, hip venue at the restored Pipe Shop at historic Shipbuilders’ Square.  Our tickets were donations themselves.

Talk about tapping into a new demographic, Family Services you have succeeded!

Thank you for opening up my eyes to the opportunities available to help support those by raising funds in an enjoyable way.  I was thrilled to see so many others from my community whom crossed our similar demographic and together we reunited for a great cause. 

Family Services of the North Shore, in my opinion your event was a success.  You drew in my demographics of boomers who are searching for ways to support the families and those suffering in our own community.  After all, some of those are our friends and neighbours who might be suffering in silence.

Sign us up for next year.

As a result of the event, I myself am meeting up with the North Shore Neighbourhood House one of your affiliates, to see how I can give back here in my treasured community of North Vancouver.

My new love affair.

Well that was NO Spa Utopia massage but let me tell you I am definitely awakened in a whole new way!  Bring it on...


Cracking open the honesty here, I had been suffering with a sore hip for some time and sleeping was grueling, I felt stiff and then it started affecting my hiking and my everyday activities. Despite trying to stretch and drink lots of water, and pretend it didn't hurt, I started feeling OLD. THE worst ever. With hockey coming up in the fall, I had to do something!

That was when my personal coach (aka my wonderful daughter who graduated in Kinesiology last year) introduced me to the blue foam roller.  If you have one and know about this, fine but for those of us who don't frequent the gym, boot camp or have personal trainers then you should know it is an odd thing.

The first time she told me to roll on it was awful.  Remember I am intimidated by Yoga, so even getting to the floor into the position on top of the roller was grueling and quite hilarious.  I thought she would die laughing, as my execution was anything but graceful! Apparently I needed to stretch  the fascia that surround my muscles.... ok, so lay this way and roll on the pain spot back and forth.  Good God it was so painful I squealed like a wild cat and sadly one of my kids has it on video. 

Hated it and avoided rolling despite her constant reminders.  

Until we intrinsically want to make change there is no hope.  I knew I had an issue and had to face it.  Growing old sometimes sucks.

Into the picture comes this wonderful kind and compassionate Registered Massage Therapist Holly at MoveoSport & Rehabilitation Centre whom I saw this week. I am an open book so she knew me in the first 10 min and she gained my trust instantly.  Yes the rolling apparently was a good thing but for me likely incredibly painful at the onset.  We needed to start slow (Plan B) and she spent 45 min working more then my sore hip muscle.  Apparently it's all related and she dove into my body with oily hands and nothing like at Spa Utopia.  OMG, its a technique where the RMT digs her thumbs into the upper fascia and I guess pushes the knot along.  She did this all over my body - gluts, calves, back etc.  Honestly I thought I would throw up, but she coached me in her sweet gently voice, "it's good, it's doing the work we need and I can stop at anytime".  At one point I had to divert my mind and started counting down from 100, then I was imagining myself at the beach, but I have to say Holly coached me along and explained everything she was doing.  

She encouraged me that my own active lifestyle was enough (well above the average) and that for me, at my age; I was doing the right things.  This was all I needed to hear. She commented that my body was responding well and loosing up quickly because of my active lifestyle and it was making a difference in my healing.  She couldn't comment on how I got so tight, but I guess the blue roller will be in my future.

We talked Yoga and the lack of places supporting newbies and those who don't fit the "typical image".    She did give me a referral to Yoga teacher who might be a fit. I shared with Holly my passion for helping other Boomers by sharing my stories.  She too supports healthy living and Moveo will consider working more with Boomers like me to maybe facilitate hiking groups for those wanting to be active, social and learn a little more how they can proactively avoid the blue roller!  They already volunteer at bike races, so this would potentially be just another target group they could gain trust with.  

I have 2 more sessions booked with Holly and I can't wait.  I did my homework today with the tennis ball and I committed to both (she and my in-house Kin coach) that I would see this as a lifestyle change and take charge.  

Looks like I might be having a new love affair with the blue roller.   Like all relationships it will have peaks and valleys and pain along the way but with commitment comes happiness.

The changing face of my Pleasantville

So scary when I hear people talking about retirement - it freaks me out in a number of ways. Primarily because it might mean that my friends and my community will become dispersed as people are starting to sell their homes as they venture into their next 50.  The houses are sold only days after the sign is posted and large empty mansions are replacing the quaint family ranchers.

The face of the community is definitely changing and I can't say I like.  I don't like my grey hair either but it's my reality!

The houses in my community 20 years ago were filled with young families and young kids attending the local preschools (I taught at one of them for many years).  Peter Rabbit was filled with little ones clutching their own change to buy 5 cent candy (fuzzy peaches, sour keys) after school while some of their Mom's sat on the bench outside the one local coffee shop planning the next school fundraiser.  We were all balancing our lives with work, volunteerism and family.  I felt we were united.  We would host community adult baseball games (where the kids had to watch their parents) and camped together as families! To date, many of us celebrated turning 40 then 50, play on the community duffers hockey teams (Sliverbacks, Silverbellies and Stanley Cupcakes) and celebrate family university kid send off parties.  We have grown up together and I want to grow old together.

I love my community we call Pleasantville.  It is located at the base of the beautiful North Shore mountains.

If we sell our homes where would we go?

It wasn't until I read an article and posted on my social media channels, did I realize that others in my community were concerned about what retirement looked like to them as well and where they would they go?

In this story, four couples that were best friends over 20 years decide to invest in their friendship and land and work with architect Matt Garcia to build their own mini-town. They pooled their money and bought land near Llano River in Texas building 400 square foot home at a price tag of $40K each.  There are so many stories of similar boomer co-housing communities popping up which were first popular in Europe.

The new model looks more like something between the single-family world and the hippie communes.  Mostly boomers and empty-nesters, come together with their own unit but sharing resources.  I would get Jim West to design and construct it.  Our pal Kim Little could provide us with coach houses.  We might be on a vineyard, in a warm climate which had a common area fire pit, sports court, bar and on-site physio and a shared caregiver.  We might use golf carts or bikes as our transportation and maybe eat from a community garden.  There would be music, laughter and maybe a dance floor.  No idea would be a bad one and many of us would continue to dabble in self-employment just for fun.

We would be around friends and likeminded.

This would be my new Pleasantville.