Just keep showing up.

Just keep showing up and I don't mean in your new shoes with your hair curled.

Showing up is hard sometimes.  We all show up to life, the party, to work and to others in so many creative ways.

I know, because right at this moment I pushed aside my fears and uncertainty to dig deep so I can share my thoughts and show up here at TheBoomerVine.  Knowing the value of being honest and being real was what gave me the courage to sit back down to write here.  

I want to show up for those that need me.  I feel compelled to share my thoughts and fears and uncertainty that I face everyday as I go about being a mother, a wife, an entrepreneur and financial contributor to the family, thinking that I am not alone as we age through this process.  It's been a long time since I sat to write here but there has been so much going on in my mind, my life, my work and in my family.  All the energy that I had was spent elsewhere, not writing here.  

I've missed it.  

The big question is "Who is it that we are showing up for anyway?"

Sometimes I can't show up here because I just don't have the energy.  As an entrepreneur I am often deep in thought or processing an opportunity that somehow appears before me.  Rarely is it such a big idea that it wants to pull all of my energy towards it but recently I let it.  Any energy that is left is then shared with what is right in front of me - my priorities.   

My priorities are for my self and my family.  My incredible family whom without their love and support, I wouldn't have the courage to continue on this journey of self-discovery during this shift in midlife. They encourage me to speak from the heart because they know it is raw, yet authentic and that the messages are to be shared with others on this same journey who are not as confident and also looking to live a meaningful life with more purpose.  It is no secret that some of those in society today are running on the hamster wheel filled with so much guilt they can't even articulate it. They have no time to stop and reflect but perhaps they know what the outcome would be if they did.  Not always pretty.  Maybe they are showing up for someone other than themselves.

I give credit to the ones who have the courage to step out of situations that hold them back (going against the scripts); be it a job, taking a break from university, or from a relationship that forces them to show up for someone other than themselves.  Years and years of this routine can be devastating to our health and others around us unless you have found that balance and living a life you helped design.

I was asked the other day "where do you lose your power" which digs right down to the core uncovering situations that hold you back from being the authentic you and perhaps living a more fulfilled life.  

This has nothing to do with feeling any regret for my past but this is all about showing up during the rest of my life with the openness and adaptability to accept opportunity and continue the design of a more purposeful, playful life. I am openly taking this journey because I strategically want my own children/family and others around me to gain new insight on what is really important.  It is my hope they too will be courageous enough and feel supported to design a life and make choices that reflect more about their happiness and not following the scripts that are placed on us.  

My message goes out to those who have identified the need to make a change (a tiny step or a gigantic jump) and are looking for a friend or a cheerleader. 

Don’t tolerate what steals your energy!

Ali Davies has been writing about her philosophy of “Design Your Life. Redefine Your Work” and it is a great resource for those of us who are in the depths of creating work that is based on our value and choosing to participate on teams that share such.

“You definitely want to create lasting change to live and work on your own terms based on your values, your own definition of success and what is most important to you.” Ali Davies

Years ago, a mentor friend of mine helped me grasp the tools needed to handle confrontational situations in a more controlled manner with less emotion.  You need to pull yourself out of the situation and take time to gather your thoughts and courage to dive back in. 

Maybe others too know the feeling when someone in power tries to control you by manipulating the conversation and the situation.  In my house early on, it was the strong father role (whom BTW was amazing) but he grew up an only child, so he parented “his way or the highway”.   No physical punishment but mostly emotional control, which I didn’t know existed and would affect my relationships, until early adulthood. 

I was recently in a situation that was manifesting over time and I saw was becoming a trend.  I knew that my balance was off and that my core values were being challenged.  That is a big red flag for me to regroup and evaluate things.  Similar situations have happened before which I believe were presented as learning opportunities, which I have turned around. 

Ali speaks about tolerating what doesn’t serve you.  In this case putting up with and tolerating gets in the way of how you really want to show up.  It drains your energy and wastes your time. 

I dove in full force with confidence, initiating the conversation and presented the facts and how the situation was evolving.  I kept my calm and after much heated discussion we were back on a positive productive track.  Thankfully there was a sense of openness and maturity with the other party whom I do respect, so that we were able to find clarity and move on.

This is how my passion shows up.  I can’t let things ride.  It is liberating to take control and move through situations like this and I hope everyone has the courage to do similar.

Check out Ali Davies and her online program Clear the Decks for Success. 

Trying to Live With No Regrets

Quinn Keast taught us to Live with No Regrets and I listened.

My 2013 Ride to Conquer Cancer is no different then the half marathon I signed up for years ago with friends. You see at that time I also thought myself a little out of shape, too heavy to run, excuse excuse excuse...... but guess what, I did it!  I taught myself  that negative self talk won't get you anywhere and since then it rarely dares to talk to me.

Since then I have learned to play ice hockey and have achieved many goals both personally and professionally. Achieving such is not always easy but without goals we stand still. I crave challenge and continuous improvement.

What I loved about my marathon adventure was the chance to train with friends who I also believe may have shared similar self doubts but most importantly we were accountable to one another. I remember those early morning Sunday runs and many we ran with few hours of sleep and sometimes hungover, but we would laugh our way along because we had each other.

Camaraderie is super important to me. It is definitely a reason for my participation in this ride with other like minded wanting to make a difference. 

I am thankful for my kids and my husband who are my biggest supporters and believe in me when I sometimes don't believe in myself. I feel very loved and supported on such new crazy adventures and appreciate when they find humour in such. 

Are you living with no regrets?
The Quinn Keast Foundation

Denise

You can sponsor me here.
http://brainiacscycling.com/profile/denisekelly/

We can expand and not just in our waist!

I don’t know what happened but things just seem to be spreading out and expanding in my life right now and I don't believe I am alone.   Does anyone else feel like their waist is changing and things are starting to sag or on the upside, their mind is expanding and the opportunities that go with that?! 

It’s like all of a sudden life throws you a lifeline when we are struggling with the reality of midlife, our grown kids leaving the nest, menopause and the realities of financial challenges or health issues. 

Attitude is everything and just being positive might change the world but if not, it can certainly help one cope with the many stresses of life and aging.

Let’s try to find positive ways to make others feel needed, wanted and to help them to draw out the strengths that they have.  Imagine if we all gave more compliments to others every day how attitudes would change in a community and the ripple affect into the world?

We seem to live in such a competitive world and sometimes people forget that compassion and competition need to learn to dance together.

 If you are part of a volunteer organization, a team, a club then take the time to recognize and celebrate those who are contributing but better yet, give responsibilities to those that show the slightest interest in helping out.  We call this opportunity and by sharing, it gives chances to help others so that they can expand out of their comfort zone, into greater knowledge and in the long run, expand their confidence.  

 Extend a hand to someone or simply make the effort to recognize and share a compliment however minor and you might feel your heart expand too. The rewards will be numerous.  Life is much more about giving than receiving.  Go ahead and pay it forward.

Thankfully this expansion life hasn’t just been in my waist but also in my working life.  Expanding into our capabilities and believing in ourselves and others can create incredible new opportunities. I find some of my friends are now brainstorming new businesses, writing blogs (on Hot Pants to Hockey) and finding ways to volunteer and test this new ground.  I smile with pride and try to encourage them. 

These lifelines that we are thrown,  in my opinion,  are simply those people in your lives who care:)