A day without Darcy

I knew it was the right decision to bring a puppy into the Kelly household again after the loss of our sweet and well loved Mel.  Mel was with us for 11 years but we lost her to cancer, having only 11 days with her once the vet gave us the news.  Mel's spirit still quietly roams around the house. She still takes up a big place in my heart.  I remember her laying in the sun on the back deck, sleeping at the back door or completely taking over my bed all day looking out our big front window to the street.  She brought calm into my life.....

Then we met Darcy.....

Darcy joined our family in October at 8 weeks. She was another Labradoodle, and came to us from a wonderful family (where we met her Mom and her Dad) at WindyRiverPets in Mission, BC.  A first generation Labradoodle, she is a gem.  Her personality is blossoming - we now communicate through our eyes - and I swear I understand what she is saying.  You only know this if you have a dog, but thankfully there is a massive tribe of other crazy dog owners in this world.  They get it....

There isn't a day yet that I can say has been as calm as those enjoyed with Mel, but today feels empty and for the first time, I decide I don't want calm.  As someone who loves activity, calmness sometimes makes me feel old - maybe bored. Today, Darcy is being spade and at the vet.  I dropped her off early this morning and now wait for the call to retrieve her sleepy body who will surely need some family love.

I thank you, Darcy, for bringing such great joy into the house again.  I love that we get out hiking together for hours on end exploring the trails together, and that you are my partner in my quest to age well and ensure a healthy active lifestyle.  I love that the kids also look forward to coming home because you greet them with that massive swinging puppy tail. You've introduced me to many other dog owners who are a  special breed themselves.  I don't mind that the house is baby proofed and we have to keep the counters free of food.  We hide our socks and put our shoes in the cupboard.  Sorry about the baby gate we have between the kitchen and our family room, but for now Darcy, it's maybe short term but sometimes the others need a little bit of calm....

Many of our friends are now thinking of retirement or deciding what their next 50 years looks like as they downsize and live with the empty nest.  While we also wonder what our future looks like, for us, we have  a lot of life left to live and the energy and love you receive from a dog adds so much to the journey.  Funny I know a couple others in the same boat as us who lost family pets and are doing it all over again.  Thankfully we aren't alone, and it helps that our adult children are so helpful.

Funny, Darcy, now at 6 months, like Mel loves laying in the sun on the back deck, sleeping at the back door and completely takes over our bed as she rearranges the duvet and pillows into one pile that she sleeps on (and deposits her sand from the day).  Sometimes I think Mel is just guiding you along as you too settle into our family.

I love you both and I absolutely believe every family should reap the rewards of owning a dog.

You can learn more about Darcy on my social media channels
@TheBoomerVine on Twitter
@TheBoomerVine on Instagram
and check the hashtag #WhatILearnedFromDarcy

Lessons learned from Mel our Labradoodle

It just happened to be National Dog Day and my FB feed was full of pictures of dogs with their owners, which I am not sure made my grief any easier.  It definitely did bring joy to see that other families had made the most precious investment in having a pet.  For us this week, we reflect on what Mel taught us and the joy she brought to our family at all stages of her great happy labradoodle life. 

I fully admit I am more a dog person.  It’s the ability to take them out walking rain or shine.  She kept me moving and I commit to keeping that healthy habit up. I followed Mel up Mosquito Creek many times but when she started following me, I knew something was wrong. 

Mel hated the rain.  She pranced around under the overhang, which covered the back of our house only to jet out to pee and gun it back for protection.  It’s pouring today here in Vancouver as I write this but I doubt it’s raining in doggie heaven.  (Which BTW is busy this week as a couple other friends’ dogs headed there too).

We all grieve differently but I had no idea the impact that having a family dog would have on our family and the hurt we are all feeling.  Such a loyal companion.  Such a big presence in our house.  I saw her develop bonds with both our kids (and their friends) during their various stages and truly she became someone who would listen unconditionally and only smile back with those deep “whites of the eye” we teased her about.  She always made an attempt to sleep in each of our rooms during the night and my motherly instinct knew by the claws on the hardwood floor where I could find her. 

Thank you Mel for bringing such joy over the 11 years we shared with you.  We saw big potential in you, the cheapest dog of the litter with the bad droopy eye we had to get fixed.  When BK said we were going to Abbotsford “just to look” we had no idea we would bring you home so unprepared.  We were definitely not trained dog owners but we tried our best.  Anne Jackson told us we were doing it all wrong.  Maybe we fed you the wrong food from Costco or maybe it was the scraps I gave you the odd time under the table or the pigs ears early on.  I think maybe it was a combination of all the socks, the Kleenex, the kitchen cloths or maybe the hair elastics you ate over the years!

Teresa our neighbour will miss you.  You had a way of bringing sunshine to her life when we would visit or you would sit on her driveway gazing into her big front window anticipating her door to open. I know the cookies were stale but you always accepted them politely.  I think you gave her a reason to live as she started deteriorating herself.  We shared a tear together yesterday when I told her.

You definitely got me through heartaches and I thank you for that.  We don’t know what to do with your stinky “baby girl" stuffed toy and sadly my home office just isn’t the same. 

PS. Grammy misses you too.  She wrote a poem for you and posted it in our Family Facebook Page.

We never know the impact we have on our world ..... until we are gone.

We never know the impact we have on our world until we are gone.

It was a magical afternoon.  In fact, it was the day of her birthday celebration.  She would have been 51. The room was filled with familiar faces from the community where she worked to the bright young women (and their families) with whom her daughters played sport.  People of all ages and from all stages of her life were gathered, some seated while many were standing, overflowing into the hall.  They were all people she touched during her precious years with us.  Her husband sat in the front gazing out the window (wiping the odd tear) beside his two beautiful girls who remained stoic.  

The setting was beautiful looking out onto the golf course. A little bit of fog and then during the speeches a little wet Vancouver rain.  The room was overflowing with abundant love.

I sat beside my daughter.  I wished my husband and son were with us.  You see, this woman not only touched the lives of those in the room, but many that couldn’t attend.  Her girls are friends with our two university kids and my husband and I had the honour of cheering from the sidelines at many sporting events in our community alongside this beautiful woman.  I only regret not speaking with her more.  Often we get caught up in our own lives, we forget to take the time to be present in our own world.

She was only 50 when she left us and we will never understand why but we know she left the world a better place and touched the lives of many.  Her immediate friends (soul sisters) were all there and you could tell they too were broken with the loss, but now gain strength by holding onto the memories and good times they shared.  The stories they told were precious and joked that most of the themes spoken were about drinking wine and dog walking together.  We will never know the impact of this loss on the family dog as well.

A slide show to Stevie Wonder’s Isn’t She Lovely shared with us her wonderful life and adventures travelling. The pictures told the stories and the smiles drew us into the warmth of those experiences.   There were many smiles of she and her family and friends and I could feel her joy. She was a beautiful woman with a beautiful family.

My heart broke (and my tears ran down my face) when her daughter spoke with such grace and pride, yet I gained strength as I listened to her thank her Mom for all that she had provided to she and her sister.  She spoke about appreciation for giving them endless opportunity in their sport, the numerous times she supported as a cheerleader from the sidelines, or driving to practice.  She described those deep conversations (the kind we can only have with our children) and the impact they had on her personal growth.   She described the tears they shared in both good times and sad.  She thanked her for helping build she and her sister into the strong women they have become today.   She promised to her Mom that she would be strong without her at her side during her university graduation, wedding and other milestones in her life.  Without hesitation, she said her strength today and as goes on with her life, is because she knows her "Mommy" will always be with her in spirit.

Her smile now shines through the two beautiful girls she has left behind. 

Her impact from today will empower many to live life and love with all that you can.  

No Regrets.

Unconditional Love

When I asked them what was the best part about having a sibling, it amazed me how similar their answers were. 

She said "effortless company and companionship"

He said "having a friend within reach" 

Later themselves both amazed of their similar heartfelt answers.  

And Mel makes 3

Great to know as a parent your own children have a special bond that will carry them through their journey of life when you are gone. My parents instilled in us the same. 

I think that's what siblings are for. While we need to recognize the differences in each other, there needs to be something there that gives you that security, safety and confidence that you have others in "your court" that love you regardless of the mistakes you make along the way. 

My favourite early memories myself with my siblings, would be riding in the estate station wagon on the way to the cottage.  All 6 of us packed into Woody the wagon with two cocker spaniels and a weekends worth of food. My brother once wrote a poem about the experience from his lens that still brings laughter as it reflects our personalities perfectly at that time!  Including my parents' second hand smoke billowing from the front seat! 

Recently with the loss of my Dad last year,  it was almost like an awakening itself. My siblings all came together to support each other and my Mom, but it was the observation of how each of our children presented themselves as siblings and cousins and coming together as a sincere genuine close family. Guess all those family dinners and traditions reinforced such along the way. 

In fact it was just the four of us siblings who stood by my Dad's bed reminiscing, sharing and laughing as we said good bye to him together. He too would be proud.  He taught us to stick together and express the love we have for one another (and those in your court) such that you would never regret what was never said. 

I think parenting is about following your heart, showing respect and to not over analyze.  Carefully sift through the materials presented. Teach respect in your children so they will grow up respecting themselves, others and their siblings.