Lessons learned from Mel our Labradoodle

It just happened to be National Dog Day and my FB feed was full of pictures of dogs with their owners, which I am not sure made my grief any easier.  It definitely did bring joy to see that other families had made the most precious investment in having a pet.  For us this week, we reflect on what Mel taught us and the joy she brought to our family at all stages of her great happy labradoodle life. 

I fully admit I am more a dog person.  It’s the ability to take them out walking rain or shine.  She kept me moving and I commit to keeping that healthy habit up. I followed Mel up Mosquito Creek many times but when she started following me, I knew something was wrong. 

Mel hated the rain.  She pranced around under the overhang, which covered the back of our house only to jet out to pee and gun it back for protection.  It’s pouring today here in Vancouver as I write this but I doubt it’s raining in doggie heaven.  (Which BTW is busy this week as a couple other friends’ dogs headed there too).

We all grieve differently but I had no idea the impact that having a family dog would have on our family and the hurt we are all feeling.  Such a loyal companion.  Such a big presence in our house.  I saw her develop bonds with both our kids (and their friends) during their various stages and truly she became someone who would listen unconditionally and only smile back with those deep “whites of the eye” we teased her about.  She always made an attempt to sleep in each of our rooms during the night and my motherly instinct knew by the claws on the hardwood floor where I could find her. 

Thank you Mel for bringing such joy over the 11 years we shared with you.  We saw big potential in you, the cheapest dog of the litter with the bad droopy eye we had to get fixed.  When BK said we were going to Abbotsford “just to look” we had no idea we would bring you home so unprepared.  We were definitely not trained dog owners but we tried our best.  Anne Jackson told us we were doing it all wrong.  Maybe we fed you the wrong food from Costco or maybe it was the scraps I gave you the odd time under the table or the pigs ears early on.  I think maybe it was a combination of all the socks, the Kleenex, the kitchen cloths or maybe the hair elastics you ate over the years!

Teresa our neighbour will miss you.  You had a way of bringing sunshine to her life when we would visit or you would sit on her driveway gazing into her big front window anticipating her door to open. I know the cookies were stale but you always accepted them politely.  I think you gave her a reason to live as she started deteriorating herself.  We shared a tear together yesterday when I told her.

You definitely got me through heartaches and I thank you for that.  We don’t know what to do with your stinky “baby girl" stuffed toy and sadly my home office just isn’t the same. 

PS. Grammy misses you too.  She wrote a poem for you and posted it in our Family Facebook Page.

You know you are an Empty Nester when....

If you follow my blog and twitter you will know I try to write from the heart and share my journey as I move through my next 50 years as a Boomer.  It changes daily and sadly I have not been keeping up with my writing as I admit my priorities are off with focusing too much time at work and not enough time on me but come 2014 I am realigning. My balance is off and I acknowledge that and commit to making change.  Just another part of the journey. That will be a later post....

The Empty Nest....

Lots of changes for me this past year as you know when both my kids flew the coop and I became an "empty nester".  Off to university across the country.  Now many will say they looked forward to this day when they would have the freedom without the ties that bind.  I had no idea what I would feel until reality hit me head on in August 2013.  

I don't love it but I am adjusting.  

I try to write about it and speak openly to others about the realities and the emotions one might experience.  This is for the minority of us who dig deep and fight repressing their true feelings allowing their vulnerability to be exposed.  I cried many days after my kids left, after sharing skype chats and phone calls but nobody ever talked about similar experiences.  I felt alone, like I had to pretend all was ok and I was happy to be into my next phase of life.  I especially feared when others would push my feeling under the carpet and say "oh you will be fine".  I knew I wasn't alone when others would want to hear my tales at parties and stop me on the street corner eager to ask me questions about their pending situation.  I was encouraged to speak honestly without filters, something that comes naturally.

My kids are blossoming, engaged and participating fully in the opportunities they have at school. I keep reminding myself that we raise them to become authentic contributing adults living their passion.  I give credit to both my husband and I as we did a great job setting them up with the foundation they needed to venture into this world.  I wouldn't have it any other way and they both know it. 

I had this list posted on the fridge, which I wrote shortly after they left in September and it recently made them laugh.  I hope it makes others laugh too....

You know you are an Empty Nester when.....

• you only buy 1 litre of milk
• don't search for a dry/clean towel after a shower
• your laundry takes 15min and one dryer cycle
• can't figure out how to get on Netflix (apparently it's on kids PS3)
• your semi unpacked suitcase from Spain (trip 2 weeks ago) still on kids bed 
• the dog sleeps on you and greets you at the door like a long lost friend every day
• couple cans of PBR in the fridge and your beer fridge remains full
• 1/2 finished stale cheerios in the cupboard
• the cleaning lady looks for things to do
• kids rooms are bare and empty and exactly the way they left them
• your shoes/boots left all over the house suddenly stand out
• you start a family WhatsApp group with intent to facilitate family conversations 
• you are the first one at the airport, often early waiting their arrival home 

Be happy, hug your kids.  

Cheers, 

Denise