Ali Davies has been writing about her philosophy of “Design Your Life. Redefine Your Work” and it is a great resource for those of us who are in the depths of creating work that is based on our value and choosing to participate on teams that share such.
“You definitely want to create lasting change to live and work on your own terms based on your values, your own definition of success and what is most important to you.” Ali Davies
Years ago, a mentor friend of mine helped me grasp the tools needed to handle confrontational situations in a more controlled manner with less emotion. You need to pull yourself out of the situation and take time to gather your thoughts and courage to dive back in.
Maybe others too know the feeling when someone in power tries to control you by manipulating the conversation and the situation. In my house early on, it was the strong father role (whom BTW was amazing) but he grew up an only child, so he parented “his way or the highway”. No physical punishment but mostly emotional control, which I didn’t know existed and would affect my relationships, until early adulthood.
I was recently in a situation that was manifesting over time and I saw was becoming a trend. I knew that my balance was off and that my core values were being challenged. That is a big red flag for me to regroup and evaluate things. Similar situations have happened before which I believe were presented as learning opportunities, which I have turned around.
Ali speaks about tolerating what doesn’t serve you. In this case putting up with and tolerating gets in the way of how you really want to show up. It drains your energy and wastes your time.
I dove in full force with confidence, initiating the conversation and presented the facts and how the situation was evolving. I kept my calm and after much heated discussion we were back on a positive productive track. Thankfully there was a sense of openness and maturity with the other party whom I do respect, so that we were able to find clarity and move on.
This is how my passion shows up. I can’t let things ride. It is liberating to take control and move through situations like this and I hope everyone has the courage to do similar.